When I arrived at my corporate apartment complex in downtown Montréal, it was 1 pm on a Sunday afternoon. Antonino got us home quickly after a lovely two-night weekend stay at the countryside Manoir Hovey luxury hotel with Madame Élise Marie Delvaux that was unforgettable. After partially unpacking and settling in, I reflected on the many supernatural experiences that occurred as I sat on the balcony of my large apartment towering above the sprawling city. From my eagle’s nest perch on the 23rd floor, high in the sky overlooking the city, I recalled my journeys to the magical quartz crystal plateau, and the pure carbon diamond mountains, upon which the mansions of the sky reside. The quartz crystal plateau is a wonderful realm that is completely hidden in a multidimensional, cross-platform, space-time bridge, and there is only a small window that allows access to the dimensional portal between the two domains. Living with the experience of the beauty of the earth realm, and the unlimited freedom of the quartz crystal plateau is overwhelming especially in this present moment of reflection.
My heart is heavy today, as it sometimes is, when I realize I am captured between two diverse realities. My Indigo soul is bound to my dense human body, which brings pleasure, sorrow, and joy in varying degrees. I vacillate between wonder, awe, and melancholy, and must occasionally remind myself that I volunteered to be embroiled in human affairs, and work within the confines of the earth realm, and the human body’s perceptive capabilities and extreme limitations. My primary task as an MQ series shadow team operator is an analytical and intelligence-gathering assignment that reports to off-world, non-human administration and control within the rubric known as the heavenly host, or the divine council. I understand that making such a statement is almost impossible to accept as the truth, and you should use your best judgment when reading my memoirs, but just know that shadow team operators must work and toil in a variety of blue, and white-collar positions the same as everyone else here on earth.
Our jobs and daily travels give us access to the people and places that will enable us to infiltrate the complex web of nefarious corporate and social networks that have become corrupt and unsalvageable in our modern society. Often, we are found in complex technical and professional fields, and we are rarely employed in brute force manual labor. Our human bodies, which are fragile and subject to many perils, including mental instabilities, physical stress, and other odd behavioral complexes, require great care to afford us the benefit of their maximum life span. Humanity and embodied life can induce joy, happiness, and torment to a soul, whether it be an original earth creation soul, an ancient indigo soul, or other unique conscious agent that we label as a soul in the English language. The soul is simply unadulterated pure consciousness that may or may not become quantum entangled with a specific biological container, since consciousness does not require a biological substrate.
The human body is simply a data structure that forms an interface within our four-dimensional space-time continuum that can be loosely defined as an Einstein-Rosen bridge to multiple dimensions simultaneously. The theory of non locality is strictly in the realm of philosophical and metaphysical discourse and is not supported by empirical evidence, so I use the concept of the Einstein-Rosen bridge to describe a far more complex mechanism of coupling consciousness to a biological substrate using the limited lexicon of the English language, and our even more limited understanding of consciousness and physics. My goal is to give my readers something to grasp onto when trying to form an understanding of what I am trying to describe, which is something that is highly complex, obtuse, and difficult. When it was time for my indigo soul to bifurcate from the quartz crystal plateau upon which the mountains of pure carbon diamond reside, a family was chosen for me that would provide a “container,” essentially a human body, by which I could enter and interact with the glorious orb called earth.
I was told that my assignment would be exceedingly difficult, and that my earthly parents would need my assistance, patience, empathy, and propensity to be unbreakable in spirit, loyal, and steadfast. This family, and its various members, previously captured the attention of my mentors (members of the heavenly host), which led them to insert my indigo soul directly into their midst so that I could be tracked, studied, and guided in my brief earthly sojourn as an embodied human being. In the situation that I have described, one can see that the philosophical principle of free will is somewhat of a jovial concept, but it does exist and can be optioned, but with severe limitations. I need you to understand that you and I exist as a unique conscious agent prior to being embodied in human form. It is not true that a human body must be formed for consciousness to arise and become sentient. You exist with or without a human body, and there is no deviation from this fact.
When it was time to become embodied in human society in the year 1964, I became the only male child of a young woman who had severe covert, deep-seated, existential, psychological, and emotional issues from a turbulent and trauma filled life previous to my arrival. I came into this world in a tempestuous situation, and the woman who bore me in her womb, Catherine of Bayridge, gave birth to me in a unique situation that needs to be carefully unpacked. From my earliest days as a young toddler, Catherine of Bayridge always used to say to me, “Marc. You’re lucky that I didn’t kill you at birth,” with a vile sneer on her face, usually in anger and frustration. I heard this lovely statement throughout my life for many years. From an early age, I was made to understand that I was alive by the grace of this powerful woman, who could have killed me as an infant, or toddler, being that I was, in her words, “a fucking son of a bitch-bastard stepchild who was a fucking curse on her life.” As a young boy I took this to mean that I still could be killed at any moment because I was perceived to be a burden, a cause of great suffering, or a reason to cause her shame, for reasons that I did not understand until I was an adult. The operative word stepchild in her recurring statements over the years was also a great mystery to me.
I also believed that if Catherine had killed me as an infant or a toddler, she could have gained a collection of infernal dark powers from the depths of Tartarus. My soul having been consecrated and dedicated in some formal dark ritual may have summoned a just reward. Mothers who kill their young children are often given extended gifts of various kinds from the depths of hell. It turns out that slowly torturing a child and keeping it alive is preferred by the dark demonic forces and is rewarded at double the value of a sacrificial killing. Ultimately, Catherine’s decision to keep me alive had nothing to do with love, or the proverbial mother-child bonding myth that we so lovingly accept as normative and universal. Catherine’s decision to allow me to live was for the exclusive purpose of creating a highly intelligent, flexible, and programmable extension of herself to be emotionally enslaved to her long-term care and general well-being, especially in the last days of her life. Catherine kept me alive and well, and I became a highly loyal and dutiful indentured servant, and the subject, not the victim, of powerful Sicilian witchcraft that determined the course of the first 50 years of my earthly life.
Unbeknownst to the woman who bore me in her womb, I came into this dense-matter world with a supreme edge, and I had an X-factor long before I took shape as Marc Hanson. When I was born as the son of Catherine of Bayridge, I was no greenhorn fledgling infant. I was the soul of an indigo-child who came from the quartz crystal plateau and the pure carbon-diamond mountains in the skies above us, upon which the crystal mansions are built. My ancient, sentient, and powerful indigo soul enabled my human body to harness a vast array of sensory and perceptive capabilities that existed independently of my human container. I was resilient in spirit before I was born with a predilection to be unbreakable, divergent, and alert, and would remain this way regardless of the slow-simmering trauma that would come upon me throughout my long earthly life. I was fortunate to have the continuous assistance and loving guidance of the heavenly host throughout my life, and this supreme privilege accounts for much of my propensity to be resilient and to remain love radiant without fail. Given my unique circumstances, I never felt as if I was a victim of supernatural mayhem, trauma, or intentional torment. I always considered myself to be a voluntary subject under study, rather than some haunted victim in a life full of unmitigated and unrestrained drama that had no purpose or meaning.
Throughout my early life, beginning when I was a toddler, I inherently knew that I was loved and watched over by an unseen divinity that was always present. I had the power of love before I was born, because my Indigo soul was formed in-love, and became a conduit of compassion, healing, and comfort. I was love-radiant from the moment I saw the first light of an earth day upon taking an initial breath of its foul, sulfur-laden air. Nothing would be able to extinguish this flame of love that was in me, and many things attempted to quell my positive nature and my inner fortitude. I was fortunate to have the assistance and real-time continuous guidance of my guardians, elders, and the holy ones in the domain of the quartz crystal plateau, who reside in the pure carbon diamond mountains of endless glory. I also had the assistance of numerous people and earthbound spirits, who were indigo souls related to the divine assistance who were sympathetic to my mission, difficulties, and daily struggles. I was quite fortunate and blessed to have assistance throughout my life, which made things bearable, survivable, and gave me the opportunity to acquire and build virtue, merit, and grace.
Catherine of Bayridge decided the moment I was born, that a woman would never be allowed to take me completely away from her, and as such, no loving relationship could form between me and a lovely girl that was not first taken under her supernatural control. Every girl who came into my life that Catherine knew about was doomed and would eventually be cleaved away from me due to the powerful magic born from the emotions of jealousy, envy, and fear. These emotions were infused in her binding rituals with the help of the generational familiar spirits that always surrounded her. These familiar spirits had the assistance of high-order angelic spirits, who were not demons, but savage defectors who were part of the original rebellion against the formation of the first man and woman in the Garden of God. Catherine, the quintessential model of the devouring Oedipal mother, was a woman who reflected extreme emotional, mental, and physical violence. According to renowned author Caroline Myss, “The Devouring Mother consumes her children psychologically and emotionally and often instills in them feelings of guilt at leaving her or becoming independent.” I find this statement to be true, and it directly applies to Catherine’s modus operandi.
Catherine’s strong will coupled with the dozens of familiar spirits in her midst, exuded control, mayhem, obsession, and mania in various ways that were subtle and barely detectable. It was difficult to discern if an event, an odd occurrence, or the sudden loss of a friendship was due to their influence, or some average quirk of personality or character. All she had to do was think, brood, look, or say something aloud under her breath to dispatch one of her familiars in your direction, and trouble would soon follow her intended target. No formal ritual was required in most cases and the evil eye of malocchio was enough to pierce the veil of sanity. A single sinister look through her piercing almond-shaped mahogany brown eyes, which sometimes were coal black, could put you in a world of torment. I, being the son of Catherine of Bayridge, became a subject and study of these familiar spirits, and they wreaked havoc in my life for 53 years, which I turned into virtue, fortitude, and strength by my fifth decade of life.
The old ways of the walnut witches of Sicily and Sardinia, were handed down to Catherine of Bayridge from her father’s mother, also named Catherine, “Catherine of Messina,” who was the sole survivor of fifteen family members who all died in the great earthquake in Messina Italy in 1908. Catherine of Messina was outside of her home when the earthquake struck, and she survived because she was sneaking around in the meadow collecting roots, and herbs for her craft work, as she was also an apprentice under the tutelage of a powerful woman handing down the traditions to her. As a result of being outside in the fresh air, her home did not fall on her head and crush her to death on that terrible day. About one month after the quake struck, the man who would eventually marry her got off the boat from America with hundreds of other men who came back to their homeland to help in any way that they could, and search for surviving family and friends. Frank eventually found Catherine of Messina standing in the rubble of her home with all her family members dead, and took the orphan back to America, and married her. Catherine of Messina eventually bore a son, who would become the tyrant, overbearing, and stern father of Catherine of Bayridge, the woman who bore me in her womb, and this is how the diabolical line was formed.
Catherine of Bayridge was the only child of her parents and lived in the same household as Catherine of Messina, who demanded that all her children never leave home, which was a large multifamily dwelling with several large, independent, one-bedroom apartments, even after her children were married. Catherine of Bayridge married young at the age of twenty and moved away from her family to live with her husband for two years before having a child. Catherine of Bayridge gave birth to me, and I was to become an extension of her own being, never to be educated and raised as an autonomous, self-supporting individual that would leave her for a wife to form his own family. She feared being alone and never wanted to be abandoned, especially in her golden years, so the divine assistance in heaven sent her me, and I understood what needed to be done. This intention and psychological binding of Catherine of Bayridge was hatched while I was in the womb, and I knew this because I heard and felt everything that was going on in her life shortly after conception. While I was in the womb, Catherine’s extreme anxiety and torments transferred to me biochemically and spiritually, and I knew of my doom and destiny as her son long before being physically born to her.
I would become, through her expert grooming, and applied diabolical psychological principles, a mirror of Catherine, and become an emotional support human, through the complex mechanism of premeditated codependency, and the reinforcement of what Dr. Gregory Bateson termed, the double-bind scenario. I would also become the main source of supply to her dark, malignant, narcissistic personality, dooming me from birth by interfering with my socialization process and matriculation into the complexities of earthly society. The dark drive of narcissism would dominate and consume me psychologically during the most critical developmental phases of my life. Catherine would quickly discover my unique abilities as an indigo-empath and exploit this gift, like an automobile would harness the power of its primary battery to run its engine and subsystems. Catherine of Bayridge knew that the “battery,” which is my empathy, love-radiance, and my unique indigo soul, would need frequent replenishment and recharging.
Catherine provided basic survival needs, emotional and physical inputs, and numerous comforts that strongly reinforced the learned helplessness, and deep codependent, trauma bonded hooks into my human sensorium, which was a tremendous burden to my indigo soul. These comforts and emotional inputs were reinforced by divination and rituals that she would use to conjure a familiar spirit and trickster god known as Lugal-irra the black raven of ancient Sumerian lore. This powerful spirit would shadow me throughout my life and wreak havoc upon my potential to be autonomous, creative, and independent. Raven’s quest was to keep Catherine focused on my every move so the two of them could modulate key behavioral outcomes and milestones in my life. True witchcraft has little to do with potions, lotions, black lipstick, Gothic clothing, and full-body tattoos.
The genuine witch will harness familiar spirits and draw down powerful imps of the air and summon those who live deep underground to do the work of her will for a price. The authentic witch is also highly knowledgeable of what we call diabolical psychology and will combine controlling familiar spirits with a psychological campaign that breaks the human spirit, binds the mechanism of free-will and exploration, and destroys the emotional and psychological development of a child before the age of six. In addition to familiar spirits, the experienced witch can attract the most rapacious rapscallions in existence, and often does this to add synergy to her sorcery. These intentions are truly diabolical, and one of the tactics and modus operandi of true evil. The devouring Oedipal mother, who is also a powerful Sicilian witch, is no match for the average soul, but I had an edge, and I also had assistance from my elders and caretakers on the quartz crystal plateau in the mansions of the sky.
Let us review what we know thus far, because I have laid out some very heavy and shocking ideas and concepts that will cause cognitive dissonance in most of my readers. Catherine of Bayridge was trained in witchcraft and divination by her Italian grandmother, Catherine of Messina, who was also trained in the rituals and rites as a young girl. The ways of the Strega were syncretized with Roman Catholicism and were a normal part of life in Italy, and still is today. I, Marc Hanson, the son of Catherine of Bayridge, and my indigo soul that infused into the container that she produced, was well-formed in love and light, and was fully capable of being marinated in darkness, isolation, torment, frustration, torture, and able to resist being transformed, by intense long-term trauma, into a raving lunatic, sadistic, antisocial, paranoid psychopath. I was able to resist transformation into sociopathy and psychopathy due to my inherent indigo soul traits, innate love-radiance, and the close guardianship of those watching over me as I moved through time, space, and life with my earthly parents. My soul prospered over a diversified range of physical, mental, and emotional adversity like millions of other people who also survived such trials. I was able to maintain a healthy conscience, a sense of morals, compassion, and altruism, and resist the propensity for transmigration into severe psychopathy and antisocial behavior, and this is the triumphant achievement of my lifetime.
The strong character traits of resilience and resistance to severe mental illness and criminality resided inside of me all along and were in place before my physical birth and remained after my incarnation into humanity. Catherine desired to own a human support person, and one who would do her bidding for as long as she could hold on to him, especially during her golden years, where the payoff would come to maximum fruition. Catherine harnessed the powers, which she had been taught to summon from a long line of Sicilian witches, and placed my body (not my Indigo-spirit) under the watchful eye and dominion of a powerful Raven spirit and other lesser unseen helpers. The dark Raven spirit would always shadow me throughout my life and serve as the eyes and ears, and agent provocateur of Catherine remotely, providing hidden knowledge that could be used in her reinforcement of total dominion over my earthly life.
The Raven, and other supporting familiar spirits were summoned by Catherine of Bayridge using my baby-teeth, clippings and locks of hair, and clothing that she saved from my earliest days, and other objects and items, in various binding rituals and numerous spells. My precise astrological charts and related information related to astrology were cast and helped to precisely ensure that I would remain in the meadow of her control for my lifetime. Her lifelong and continuous complaining about her miseries transformed me into a psychiatrist at an early age, and this skill gave me the ability to defend myself against an overwhelming paralysis of my true self via the forced creation of a symbiotic personality that would become her guardian and caretaker. Deep emotional hooks were embedded into my flesh and into my mind from an early age, and by the time I was 6 years old, I was emotionally doomed, and became an automaton to Catherine of Bayridge’s well engineered and intentional dominion over my young life.
Parentification, according to Boszormenyi-Nagi & Spark, 1973, and Minuchin, 1977, “is an attachment trauma that describes a child’s maladapted attachment relationships, in order to regulate a parent who is using them to gratify their own emotional and psychological unmet needs, causing a boundary dysfunction in the family system by compelling a child to take on a parental or spousal role.” The effects of childhood parentification can be long-lasting, multigenerational, and deleterious, presenting over the course of a lifetime (Chase, 1999; Karpel, 1976; West & Keller, 1991). For young adults, parentification can impede “normal” development related to relationship building, personality formation, and other developmentally critical processes (Burt, 1992; Goglia, Jurkovic, Burt, & Burge-Callaway, 1992; Sessions & Jurkovic, 1986; Wolkin, 1984). Parentification can therefore be characterized as a traumatic event and an adverse process, in accord with the definitions and criteria put forward in the family and trauma literature, that have long-lasting effects experienced in adulthood (Belsky, 1990; Briere, 1992; Chase, 1999; Cicchetti, 2004). These statements apply to my life and situation perfectly, and clearly describe numerous elements of my lived experience. Catherine intentionally interjected her dysfunction into all the normal modes of socialization, matriculation, and forming of friendships, which were interfered with. All women, regardless of their age, were especially a target of her watchful eye, and the eye of the raven-spirit, who shadowed my every move, and never left my side, even until this very day.
The primary modes of behavioral control that Catherine chose to use during the early years of my development from the age 2 to 14, were love-starvation, emotional terror, fear of repercussions, parentification, terrorism of (parents) suffering, unbearable punishments, intermittent isolation, gas-lighting, applied behavioral modification, double-bind situational induction, classical conditioning trials, intermittent cycles of tension and relaxation, dissonance reduction, self-blame induction, focusing on moments of kindness, rationalization, minimization, and the denial of long-term bonding and support from anyone else but Catherine of Bayridge whenever possible. Dominion and sovereignty over my autonomy were Catherine’s primary concerns, and she wielded intense power according to her needs, and long-term sinister desires with direct, premeditated, willful intentions. Dr. Jordan B. Peterson has said, “The most important job of a parent is to make their child “acceptable to other children.” “Most importantly, one must make their child acceptable to other children by the age of four years old at the latest as the window for making the child socially adaptive is between the ages of two and four years old.”
Peterson goes on to state that, “if a parent fails to make their child desirable to other children before the age of four years old then “it’s over.” “Children who are not accepted by other children by that age have a very difficult time recovering and often become socially isolated and antisocial as a result.” I can testify to the accuracy of Dr. Peterson’s claim, and you can be sure that Catherine of Bayridge created conditions in my environment between the ages of two and four that made it a certainty that it would be “over,” but not a totally lost cause for me with my peer group at such an early age. I mightily resisted her machinations and diabolical manipulations throughout my young life, and I fought hard to be as free and content as humanly possible. The hobbling and interference of my critical socialization process was the most diabolical thing I have ever experienced, and the effects of Catherine’s unique early parenting style had a profound negative effect on my life. Catherine was intentionally molding a maladaptive set of learned behaviors within my behavioral repertoire to ensure that I would remain codependent. There is no escaping a birth mother who is also a sorceress that has bound you perfectly in ritual, spell work, and applied diabolical psychological manipulation. Once a mother puts such a bind and intention on her child, this oppression will remain until its death in varying degrees.
All young children come to understand that the association with their mother becomes a template for all relationships throughout life. When the kinship between a mother and her child is disordered, it is internalized in the young developing mind such that issues with socialization become difficult and chaotic for a lifetime. What is a young boy supposed to do when his mother is a powerful Sicilian witch with above average general intelligence, a cadre of generational familiar spirits, a suspicion of borderline personality disorder, and unresolved childhood trauma, combined with excellent training in the old ways of the walnut witches of Sicily? The answer is, you love your mother and take care of her, and find a way to cope with the torment no matter what she does to you, because there is no other recourse due to the heavy burden of cognitive dissonance, double bind situational induction, well-constructed mind control techniques, and grooming of maladaptive atypical behaviors in the face of strong trauma bonding. There is no psychiatric or psychological healing modality or easily applied system of unbinding or deprogramming in existence that can undo this type of proverbial Gordian knot.
This is the only answer for an indigo child whose soul was formed in-love, by love, and who was love-radiant prior to being born to his warrior witch earthly mother, who also had significant psychopathology (comorbid bipolar and borderline personality disorders) that was never treated, or otherwise acknowledged. Not only do you love your mother as much as humanly possible, but you try to love everyone else that you can, and this is the antidote to psychological trauma and being marinated, long-term, in the dark forces of nature that are bound to our earth world and often present in this type of family system climate. Only love and innate resiliency to the doom of negativity can erode such a powerful dominion, and the best course of action is to never become like the person who has done you such harm. Strive to be unlike the one who has caused trauma, harm, and emotional wounding, and remain in love, compassion, equanimity, at all costs. It is critical to love and to exhibit kindness, sympathy, and selfless service while in the midst of difficult life situations. It is also paramount to forgive all those who have tortured, burdened, and harmed you, and the rewards and graces will flow unabated if you can avoid the mental poisoning of resentment.
I made a choice early in my life to bear the burden of trauma and take care of my earthly mother as best I could, because I knew she was suffering from a turbulent childhood at the hands of a strict Sicilian father, who was himself damaged by Catherine of Messina, who was also a devouring Oedipal mother. I had compassion for my mom in the midst of all my trials and tribulations growing up in her household, and this is how I learned to help women and be a soothing balm to them using the energy within me, and my powerful élan-vital, which is the love that was inside of me all along. I gave my mother great comfort throughout my young life, and by the age of seven, I was providing emotional and spiritual support to my mother by actively listening to her speak with intention and focus. I would sit and listen to her talk about numerous things, heavy personal issues, while we played board games like Yahtzee, Scrabble, and chess. I became truly “parentified,” and therapeutic, and was bound to her emotional well-being to avoid the induction of guilt (a type of punishment and manipulation) if I did not comply with her various needs, which included being a listening post and providing companionship.
Throughout the years, the talks with my earthly mother, and the heavy burdens of her life experiences, became a part of me and was draining, exhausting, and invoked anxiety within me as I absorbed her sorrow and took that bile, vitriol, and sadness deep within my psyche and to the core of my Indigo soul. In turn, she would impart deep wisdom to me about the world and the people in it. Because Mom was a powerful sorceress, her familiar spirits imparted a worldly wisdom to her that she passed on to me. In our home, and in my lived experience, there was a powerful spirit of lust and sexuality that surrounded me too. From the early age of three, I was tormented by sexual desire, and attempted to acquire women, and was always looking for a tender feminine girl to impart much-needed love and friendship to soothe my body, its torments, and my growing anxieties. My observations outside of our home made me a quick study of male-female pair bonding, and I watched and learned all day long as I ran the streets of Gravesend, Brooklyn, watching and observing.
From my earliest days as a toddler, I was somehow full of lust, appreciation, and attraction to women, and my erogenous zones were fully developed and seeking stimulation, which I learned reduced my intense anxieties and emotional torment when stimulated to orgasm. A strong spirit of desire attached to my earthly body, and the zeitgeist of those days in the late 1960s was dominated by sexual tension, free-flowing love, and unbounded longing. My mother of course being a witch, was also a supreme diva and kept her husband, and my father, quite occupied after work, and on weekends, and mom got her hooks into him deeply, and he would never escape her voodoo-love. Catherine had the power to put the “zap” on you, and people gravitated to her naturally and with ease.
She was an expert at tarot cards, horoscopes, divination, and related witchery that was very popular in the 1970s, and people would come to her for advice all the time, and she would predict, forecast, make charts, and intuit many things. This spirit of desire, sensuality, seduction, and wickedness was seething in my pores from the earliest days of my life, and I was bound by them for decades, until I found the people who would help me become unbound. This occurred during my Dallas, Texas, period, when I fled the clutches of Catherine of Bayridge, and my father at age 25, who in a moment of weakness, let their guard down, giving me the opportunity to run for the hills.
The only thing you need to know about my father, who shall be called, “Malachai,” a name taken from the 1984 movie, “Children of the Corn,” is that he was a brutal, cruel, and harsh physical disciplinarian who used his hands, feet, and mouth to inflict deep wounds on your body and soul. Beginning at about age two, screaming, yelling, shaming, terror, verbal assaults, and corporal punishment became routine in my life, and this would continue until the age of seventeen. Open-handed palm and elbow strikes, and intense wailing about the body, head, and shoulders were the norm from both of my parents daily, and with great regularity. Corporal punishment was blended into the psychological operations, torment, and mind-bending emotional trauma previously described in this chapter. Catherine also had a unique fetish for digging her long-polished fingernails deeply into my forearms, and once pierced, dragging me off like a falcon gripping its prey. She also loved pulling my long, thick, and lush blond hair, dragging me all around the house and the streets as I screamed like a Duroc piglet that had been lanced in its hindquarters.
Catherine also loved to use large wooden spoons, round metal straining spatulas, and a particular brown Avon bristle hairbrush to administer beatings. The corporal punishment was not as bad as the words that would accompany the shellacking. Those words, and their intentions, haunted me for my entire life and up until the time of this writing. The harsh guttural words never leave you, and if they do, it may indicate that your mind has split, and possibly operating in a protective cocoon known as a dissociative fugue. I will always remember Malachai for this one thing that he did, which will describe to you the great danger that I was in as a young boy, and until early manhood, while living under his roof. One day in the spring of 1977, Malachai came home from work as usual, and before dinner that evening, he called me to his bedroom, and asked me to look at something in his walk-in closet. He insisted that I go inside the closet first, then he came inside, and said, “I want to show you something, and be quiet about this.”
Malachai kept his shoes neatly stacked in rows on the bottom of the closet, and he had shoeboxes with shoes inside of them. He lifted two of the shoeboxes from where they were resting to reveal a brand-new purple-blue box that had the name of Smith and Wesson on its surface. He opened the box, and beneath the crisp wax paper, also labeled Smith and Wesson, was a brand new .357 magnum pistol in stainless steel, with a four-inch barrel, checkered wooden grips, and orange-red steel ramp sights. He picked it up and handed it to me, and it felt fantastic and was a beautiful piece of work. I knew exactly how to check it to see if it was loaded by dislodging the cylinder and inspecting the bore. Malachai then showed me two boxes of ammunition that were .38 special +p. He also had two speed loaders ready to go in a smaller box and a cleaning kit. The heavy weight of the piece and the power it exuded were unforgettable, and I remember feeling like Clint Eastwood.
He looked at me, marveling at the piece, and I quickly handed it back to him. Once he placed the weapon back in its box, he looked at me and said, “I just wanted you to know that this was here, and I never want you to touch this, or take it out of the house, is that understood?” He paused for two seconds then proceeded to punch me in the face, knocking me into a shoe rack that was on my left side, and I landed underneath some clothes that were hanging, and he pounced and wailed on me in that spot. He then backed out of the closet and said, “Get ready for dinner and keep your fucking mouth shut.” As I look back on this memory, I think of how brilliant Malachai was to put a pistol within my reach, knowing that I had big trouble in the streets, at school, and at home. I had the toughest kids from all over the neighborhood on my tail, because I was a little brazen wise-ass, and had to deal with them all by myself on a daily basis. This pattern of fighting multiple people at once began two years before kindergarten and ended the day I left high school.
Malachai even had the foresight to make light loads available, foregoing the acquisition of the more powerful .357 cartridges. In case I needed to handle business, it would be much easier to manage recoil with .38 caliber +P loads. In my heart, as I reflected on having access to this firearm and numerous others in that time, including one that was fitted with a silencing suppressor and custom sub-sonic cartridges, I feel that he wanted me to blow my own brains out, rather than use these weapons on the streets offensively. He gave me the weapon to end my life or the lives of others. He never liked me at all, and my presence co-opted his time with Catherine, and this really angered him to apoplexy every day. The man was diabolically brilliant to put such power in the reach of a 13-year-old boy who was fighting the toughest kids in the neighborhood, schools, and the streets of Staten Island, New York. I was always outnumbered and fighting off two or more opponents and was pounded into the ground on a weekly basis, despite having martial arts training and some techniques mastered. Unless you were born and raised on the streets of Kon Tum province in Vietnam, or the halls of a Shaolin temple in Zhengzhou, China, fighting more than two opponents is difficult for the average American teenager.
My preferred weapon at that time was homemade nun chucks that I would stash all over the neighborhood along my walking path from the high school to my house. Unfortunately, once it was known that I used and stashed nunchucks, the kids would come a half-dozen at a time and tackle me before I could get to my stashes. The in-school fights were of epic proportions, and nobody had the guts to assist me, because I was brawling with the toughest kids, and many of them were the sons of mafia soldiers, enforcer types, and low-level bosses, and they were brutal. I am happy to report that I never made use of all the weapons mentioned, or injured anyone as badly as I was physically injured, and more importantly, the pressures of life I endured from the age of two until the age of eighteen, did not drive me into a criminal-psychopathic mindset that would be motivated to escalate my self-defense behaviors towards offensive retaliation, or any kind of maladaptive anti-social behaviors. I believe this miracle to be a result of the constitution and makeup of my indigo soul coupled with intensive divine intervention that kept me from slipping into a dark abyss from which there would have been no escape. I was fortunate and truly blessed to make it out of high school relatively unscathed and have the acuity of mind, and determined drive to attend a vocational technical school that allowed me to be employed in a career that required extensive traveling, which is how I discovered the great state and city of Dallas Texas.
When I made my escape from New York five years after graduating DeVry Technical Institute, and arrived in Dallas, Texas, I immediately had a reprieve from the hostile supernatural dominion that had surrounded me, but not for long. The women whom I mistakenly brought with me to Dallas from New York City had become very friendly with Catherine of Bayridge over the course of about one year. She would often spend an hour or two speaking with her back in New York while she waited for me to come home from work on many occasions. On the days when she would come to visit me, she arrived at my house early so she could sit down, and speak to Catherine, who had a magical draw upon my girlfriend through the agency of a powerful binding spell and many deep conversations over a course of months. As a result of this proximity to Catherine, my girlfriend became an agent of her will, and deep hooks were magically and psychologically placed into her psyche that caused her to have undying loyalty, love, and appreciation for Catherine who she still admires and misses to this very day. My girlfriend would often call Catherine from our Dallas home and have long talks with her that would transfer vital information, documenting all of our major and minor issues, weekend activities, relationship issues, and day to day affairs. Catherine would willingly give my girlfriend advice and deep insight into the way I think and my overall psychology, sowing seeds of discord, uncertainty, and doubt, effectively slowly undermining her confidence in me.
Packages would arrive from New York from Catherine, and numerous cursed objects were delivered, and the doom and enchantment began shortly after their arrival. So, what does this doom look like, and what are the effects of actual witchcraft and sorcery wielded by a birth mother towards her biological son? The principal recurring pattern that often repeats itself are difficulties in the job you may be working at any given time in your life. The hostile Raven spirit that I alluded to earlier attempts to interrupt one’s cash flow, relationships, career advancement, and one’s livelihood, to create stress, weakness, division, and financial hardship. The curses and spells add synergy to the Ravens’ effectiveness, and also take advantage of the expected personality, character flaws, and social deficits that are present in those who have experienced the trauma that I endured. Let me be clear and tell you that I did not get away free and clear; social and emotional deficits were present, and maladaptive behaviors had to be identified, extinguished, and replaced by new adaptive and dynamic behaviors, and this was gut wrenching hard work. In my case, matters were made more difficult by the Raven spirit, who also knew every strength and weakness that existed within me and would use this knowledge in its diabolical calculus and planning. Combine this problem of supernaturally induced mayhem with the expected personality and character dysfunctions born from the trauma and subsequent sequelae that occurred in my peak developmental years, and the years long after that, and you can now begin to understand my problems and challenges in life.
I began to learn about my spiritual misfortune, and the accompanying psychological dysfunctions and maladaptive social and emotional deficits that existed within me at the age of twenty-five, beginning the moment that I arrived in Dallas, Texas. In this wonderful city far away from the urban sprawl of New York, I began to meet people who would assist me in unraveling the complex web of control and dominion that was put upon me. Dallas was a welcoming place that allowed me to begin to do the hard internal work of awakening that was required to allow the truth to be revealed to me in stages, while the lies that had been deeply implanted inside of me dissolved slowly over a period of three decades from that time. Being an indigo soul, and under the watchful eyes of my mentors in what I have previously defined as the quartz crystal plateau in the skies, I was now invited to study at what is known as the invisible college. The hard work of deprogramming, emotional and physical healing began forthwith and with great speed and effectiveness. I was fortunate and blessed to be recuperating and healing far away from the people and places where my trauma occurred.
I would also enroll in the Dallas County community college district and begin my formal visible college education in psychology, literature, and biology. I immediately began to flourish in this wonderful city and to heal and acknowledge all the trauma that occurred in my life for the past 25 years. Dr. Sarah Perez-Ramos, my superb biology professor, served as my first “Femme Inspiratrice” at Richland College in Dallas, and was a wonderful inspiration to me. My excellent general chemistry professor, Dr. Weldon Burnham, was also a great inspiration and one who taught me rigid academic discipline and how to focus. At Richland, I met many fine instructors, my favorite being my English composition and literature professors. Dr. Mark Kelso and Dr. Jerry McElveen were down-to-earth people with a deep wisdom and kindness, who introduced me to the classics in English literature and taught me how to write better. A few times we met for beers after school, and they tried mightily to convince me to become an English professor and defer my major in psychology and biology. I wish I had taken them up on that offer, but I felt that I needed to attempt a medical career.
Everyone I met in Dallas was critical to my awakening process, which began my decades-long healing journey. I met many fellow Shadow Team operatives, who, like me, are indigo souls that were well acquainted with the magical quartz crystal plateau in the sky, upon which the carbon diamond mountains reside. Our indigo souls knew each other, and we needed intense training in mindfulness to allow our human containers to awaken to this reality and rekindle our common heritage. I met so many fine people who uplifted me in many ways and came alongside me in friendship and fellowship. My cohort shadow team members were spread everywhere, and worked and toiled in a variety of industries, but there seemed to be a high concentration of them in the data and telecommunications industry, and the rising ubiquitous presence of distributed, autonomous computer networks and personal computers. It turns out that the advent of the Internet and the introduction of handheld cellular devices would be critical to the mass-scale spiritual awakening of the entire worldwide population.
The battle for hearts and minds would now move to an electronic warfare venue that would be used for diabolical and spiritually beneficial purposes at the same time. I lived through the introduction of the Internet, and the World Wide Web rollout, and watched carefully as humanity became self-absorbed in an artificial world made of silicon, electronics, and ever-advancing software. Me and my fellow indigo sojourners and I became enmeshed in this technology and began the quest to mine much-needed information wherever we could find it. Our consciousness was raised to a higher level because of finding critical bits of information that unlocked a universe of knowledge stored deep within us.
My individual evolution and intellectual growth were amplified during my Dallas period, and my knowledge of the world and my deepest self was equivalent to three decades of arduous work that took place in an 8-year period. In those days, when my body was asleep, my indigo soul was wide awake and being briefed, trained, and loaded with knowledge from many diverse fields. This information would strengthen me for the decades ahead, which I was told would be difficult, but also full of graces that would see me through the tough times that were to come. During my Dallas reprieve from my earlier days in New York City, Catherine of Bayridge was recoiling from the changes that were occurring in her own life, and the life of Malachai, and nothing good was happening in their lives.
Without me there as a buffer to keep them from tearing each other apart, they slowly decayed into a couple at war, and Malachai was no match for the wickedness of Catherine of Bayridge. What happened between them will be covered in a future chapter and will make for an interesting study and documentation of abnormal psychology, psychiatry, and diabolical incursion into the lives of average human beings. For now, it is important to understand that I became unwillingly enmeshed in their drama, and despite all the spiritual and personal growth that occurred in Dallas, I eventually moved back to New York City knowing that I was being pulled back to the city of my birth by supernatural interventions. I had no choice in the matter of relocating back to New York primarily because of the binding nature of the sorcery and pacts that were created by Catherine of Bayridge with the assistance of the Raven spirit and the other familiar spirits at their disposal. It was time to pull me back in for the support of Catherine’s final years.
In previous chapters of this memoir, I have discussed and briefly disclosed my experiences with the elders in another dimension that is called the Quartz Crystal plateau upon which the Pure Carbon Diamond mountains, and the Mansions of the Sky are found. The elders that reside in this domain have mapped out a flexible journey for my earthly avatar, which is my human body that is deeply quantum entangled with my ancient indigo soul that simultaneously exists on Earth and the domain of the quartz crystal plateau. My true consciousness is projected forward into space and time in the earth domain, and my human body is a portal for my indigo soul to navigate the earth’s landscape, atmosphere, and human society. All of my earthly life experiences, thoughts, emotions, feelings, and physiological parameters, are simulcasted into a quantum memory bank that is outside of the space-time continuum and enmeshed with my indigo soul residing in its energetic compartment upon the quartz crystal plateau atop the carbon diamond mountain in a mansion designated for me. A bidirectional link exists within my human body as long as it remains alive in the earth domain. My human body remains under the limited, but significant control and influence of the Raven spirit and his peers as previously described in other chapters, but my indigo soul remains as an autonomous free-conscious agent that is self-aware of certain critical assumptions and facts.
I know that my human body is essentially an avatar, a true data structure in the projection of the world, that allows me to interact with an earth-based human society and life experience within its vast domain. I know that what I see through my human body and senses is not the objective underlying reality, or the truth of my total existence. I am fully aware that my indigo soul is the true conscious agent of my existence that is being projected from the domain of the quartz crystal plateau in another complex conformal dimension and landscape outside of the space-time continuum of the earth realm. I know that I must continue to interact and peer into the complexities of human society with a variety of people (conscious agents of all kinds) on the earth plateau, and sometimes these interactions will be exceedingly difficult and disturbing to my indigo soul. I have no choice but to follow the path, a path that I volunteered to embark upon, that was laid out for me by the elders and the members of the Heavenly Host who reside in the pure carbon diamond mountains upon which the mansions of the sky reside in a perfect eleven-dimensional space outside of our known universe.
In the field of psychology, there is a psychological concept known as locus of control that refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events that affect them. In my case, there clearly exists an even distribution of internal and external locus of control factors and variables, and as a result, I have a high degree of self-efficacy and resiliency. A large portion of my conceptual framework of existence operates under the worldview that the course of my life is externally controlled by supernatural forces such as the effects of the Raven spirit and the effects of witchcraft and divination that were derived from the warped personality of Catherine of Bayridge and her willful intentions. I also have to contend with the wishes, directives, and decrees of the elders within the Heavenly Host community that reside on the quartz crystal plateau inside the pure carbon diamond mountains upon which the mansions of the sky are found. Somewhere in between these competing forces is my autonomy and limited free will and variability in the earth domain and society at large.
I have been told by my mentors and spiritual directors in that special realm, that I am an ancient indigo soul who is presently quantum entangled with the human body simulation known as Marc Hanson, (which is simply a useful data structure described by proper time, block universes, and complex Riemann curvature tensors) that I currently inhabit. I have the capability and skill set to operate in both realms and coexist simultaneously in the earths four-dimensional space-time continuum, and the quartz crystal plateau’s eleven dimensions of conformal existence outside of the earth realm where my indigo soul physically resides in a compartmentalized space. My indigo soul is projected from an eleven dimensional domain via a network of jewel-like geometrical crystal formations known to me as a “quadhex-diamond-lattice-network-node,” which generates matter, energy, frequency, gravity, and a perceived arrow of time (spacetime and quantum theory emerge, together, as a projection of this system) into an infinite series of space-time vacuums that is attracted to a positively charged surface grid inside of a finite nineteen-dimensional space (which is something like a timeless probability space in a complex Markovian dynamic outside of space-time) that is defined and operated by the specific parameters set forth by those who create, design, and maintain such simulations and vast spaces. This means that everything I perceive with my human senses upon the earth is simply a meaningful data structure and a byproduct of being quantum entangled and projected into the infinite space-time vacuum that is being pulled by the positive charge on the grid of the surface within the nineteen-dimensional infinite space on the edges of the visible universe as seen from earth and beyond, and this completes the quantum loop of embodied existence.
These highly complex and convoluted ideas are the primary constructs by which I frame my day-to-day reality, which consists of managing all of my human attributes and the sanctity and ever-changing composition of my ancient and eternal indigo-soul, which shares a bilateral presence across multiple dimensions with the earth based human body simulation that I currently inhabit. Superimposed upon all that I have described to you thus far is a devout Christian faith and worldview as dictated and defined by Roman Catholicism. I chose to be loyal to Rome after careful evaluation of other denominations of Christianity due to its vast deposit of faith, and long history steeped in beautiful traditions. It turns out that the elders, mentors, and spiritual directors that reside inside the pure carbon diamond mountains upon the quartz crystal plateau in the sky are incorporated into the divine council of God, more popularly known as the Heavenly Host. My life, my indigo soul, my indigo people, and everyone else that is part of my story and life history, all fall under the rubric and command of the Most High God of Israel and His divine plan as defined in The Holy Bible and related literature that support its authenticity.
My worldview and schema for life and living allow me to be in control, safe, loved, and internally at peace most days. My training, education, awareness, intellect, and alertness of spirit have allowed me to be a loyal human being too many, and especially a fine and loyal son to my earthly parents as was intended from the moment of my birth and by biblical commandment. My parents will be lovingly cared for until their last breath occurs, and all their mistakes, misfortunes, and other aberrant behavior have no bearing on my commitment to fulfilling my mission with them. I chose to do my service and duty partly because it was preordained, but mostly because my indigo soul was formed by love, in-love, and is love-radiant, and obedient to biblical decree’s as best as I can comply, therefore, my true nature is to be loyal and serve above and beyond the call of duty. I have served, and I will be of service. There is no deviation from this path, and I will continue to improve in all areas of my life and attempt to be as holy and obedient as possible to the best of my ability knowing full-well that I have many desires and wishes to control and discipline with fortitude. My greatest achievement in life was surviving the first twenty years of my life without being transformed into a criminal deviant, or some other horrific, demonically crazed lunatic because of my early developmental anomalies previously described. Thus far, I have fulfilled my mission to experience the gauntlet of being raised on a planet with so much violence, malevolence, and maladaptive social constructs, and my mentors and guardians have learned a great deal by observing my life and movements throughout the decades.
Montréal is such a wonderful city to reflect upon my life thus far and the long future ahead of me. My indigo girls from the escort agency, Claudia, Geneviève, Sandrine, and Madame Élise are gifts from heaven, and part of my healing process. The lovely and deadly Kate Nadine, my lover and fellow shadow team operative, is also someone special who has been assigned to me since I arrived in Dallas. I have a girlfriend at home too, who came with me from New York to Dallas, and we live together in a quiet semi-open relationship where we both quietly indulge in relationships with other people as needed. She has no idea of my escapades with Kate and my shadow-ops team, and all of that is kept secret, and I lead a secret life in that regard. I am not really her type of man, and she prefers a man of a sort that is not me; the bad-boy, romance novel, alpha-macho-manly man, the narcissistic brute type is her deepest desire.
She chose me because she too needed to escape the city and a long, trauma-filled life of sorrow, so we teamed up and made the journey together, in effect rescuing each other from the madness of New York City at that time. I have always deeply regretted that Catherine of Bayridge got her hooks into my girlfriend back home in Dallas, which is why I eventually knew that we would part company one day in the future. At some level deep within her soul, she loves me, like all the women who have come into my life. They do truly love, and have loved me, and I loved them back, and even when that love seemingly died on the vine in real-time, it remained with them at the soul level, and each of them had a longing and a desire to know me again, as I have had for them all along. When I love you and make love to you (if you’re a woman!) you will never forget me, or regret knowing me.
As I sit on my lovely balcony on a fine summer day, the thought of Kate comes into my mind amid the story I have just described to you, and I really do miss her, and I cannot wait to see her tonight. Speaking of Kate, I need to move my lazy butt, finish unpacking, and get ready to meet her later this evening. I am surprised that she has not called me, and this has me worried. I hate to leave my awesome balcony and the majestic view of the city, but it is time to go inside and prepare for the rest of the day. The doorway to the balcony is open, so I walked through it and noticed a white envelope on the floor that had been deposited through the mail slot on my apartment door.
I walked over and picked up a sealed Hallmark card that had a lovely scent of Chanel No. 5, Kate’s signature fragrance. I opened the envelope and pulled out a beautiful flat card with a triangle trim, originally a blank note card, with the following greeting: “Hanson, my love, I hope you had a great weekend. I missed you. Come to my place at 7 pm. I will be waiting for you in the usual combat readiness that I know you crave. Prepare yourself for interrogation, love, and I hope you will not break as easily as Antonino did. The poor fellow is bruised and battered. See you soon, Romeo boy. Kate.” Oh no. Kate broke down Antonino, and she knows I was with Madame Élise. I must prepare for brutal combat. God help us all, especially me.
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“Abuse damages a survivor’s thinking when it is shaped throughout childhood by lies and deceit. Such beliefs as I am worthless, God is not good, love does not exist, and no one can be trusted are very strong. The work of discerning truth from the lies taught is a tremendous job.”
— Dr. Diane Langberg.