Deadly Verses

Much worse than physical violence are verbal assaults, because words have a special, enduring effect on the psyche—more lasting than bruises or red skin. The other person’s anger fuels the attack, making it more vicious than swinging fists, unless they strike with both at once. Fists and words together drive the same message: comply. That message etches itself into the body and mind, long after the moment has passed.

By the age of 2 and the beginning of my life in the public school system at age 5, I had regularly heard the verbal assaults below on a weekly basis until age 16. Fierce body language and demonic facial expressions furthered the penetration of the barbs into my psyche, and years of reinforcement made them a part of me forever. These words will endure after my physical death and remain with my indigo soul for eternity.

Trigger warning for sensitive readers who should be 18 years of age before exploring these vile and guttural word combinations. NC-17 rating.

“There’s something in your nature that makes them want to kill you and beat your fucking face to a pulp!” (Mom’s classic line).

“You son-of-a-bitch bastard, fucking whore kid. I don’t know where you come from” (Mom).

“You will never be able to fool me, and you will never be smarter than me. Remember that. I know you better than you know yourself; never forget that, Marc!” (Mom).

“You disgraced me. I can’t even walk the streets because of you, you son-of-a-bitch bastard step-child.” (Mom sitting down with a cigarette, a Coke, and a demonic face).

“I fucking hate you, you cocksucker motherfucker.” (Mom, usually running after me with a metal spatula).

“Why is your stuff always all over the place?” (Dad, classic until age 19).

“You were a curse on me, you motherless-fucker!” (Mom walking away after my beating).

“Come over here, you son of a bitch bastard. Don’t make me come over there, or I’ll break your fucking face!” (Dad used to force me to come out of hiding and walk within range of his flying hands).

“You fucking coward piece of shit!” (Mom’s classic line).

“You fucking bitch, kid!.” (Mom).

“I’ll kill you, you bastard fucker!” (Mom).

“Why can’t you learn to keep that fucking mouth shut, you stupid imbecile?” (Dad, Mom).

“I don’t know where you come from…?” (Classic Mom).

“You’re just like your father, only you cannot see it!” (Mom).

“Everybody says the same thing…that you’re such a nice kid, but a son-of-a-bitch when you’re with kids your own age. I just don’t know what happens to you.” (Mom).

“You’re such a nice kid, Marc, people like you!” (Mom).

“You are too goddamn sensitive. You’re not like these people. You’re not a killer and you never will be. Remember that. Toughen up why don’t ya.” (Mom).

“I don’t know what happens to you out there to cause your troubles.” (Mom).

Bernice said, “He’s just a bitch kid, Catherine.” (Mom).

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Marc. Honestly, I would tell you.” (Mom).

“Nobody can understand it…all those who know you say the same thing…What, Marc is in this kind of trouble? How?” (Mom’s classic line for decades).

“Fuck you, you miserable fucking bastard kid, you disgrace me!” (Mom).

“Because of you, I can’t leave this house and show my face; you disgraced me!” (Mom).
“You’re a bitch, kid, whore, little fucker…” (Mom).

“Drop dead, you miserable fucker!” (Mom).

“Promise me you will never put me in a nursing home, Marc.” (Mom).

“Leave my fucking stuff the fuck alone, do you understand?” (Dad’s classic line).

“I don’t care how big you get. I will get up on a chair and crack your fucking head with a baseball bat. Never fuck with me!” (Mom).

“Just get it together.” (Everyone).

“You will never be smarter than me. You can never fool me. Marc.” (Mom).

“Just keep that fucking mouth shut and get along. It’s that fucking mouth that gets you in trouble.” (mom).

“Come over here, you asshole!”

“Don’t give me any backtalk, or I’ll break your fucking face, do you understand!”

“You don’t appreciate anyone other than yourself!”

“Did you eat the last fucking Malomar?”

“I wish you were never born, you bastard fucker!”

“I fucking hate you, you bitch kid, You’re a curse on me!!!”

“This fucking kid, God why?” (Mom usually screaming in a rage during a beating).

“You selfish bastard, kid!”

“I’ll fucking rip out your heart.”

“It’s your fault that the kids want to kill you!”

“We just didn’t know what else to do. We tried everything. Beatings don’t seem to work either.” (Mom)

Note: I will never bend and comply. I knew this when I was born and resisted all attempts to force compliance with a corrupt system.

“We believe you enjoy the pain and being humiliated. You like getting hit.” (Mom’s other continuous classic line).

“Really, we love you, that’s why we do this!” (Mom’s classic double bind).

“Ma, come over here. I am going to kill him. Ma, I don’t know what to do with this fucking kid!” (Mom on the phone to Grandma one day).

“You’re a fucking piece of work, a real piece.” (Mom and Dad for decades).

“You know just how to ring my bell, don’t ya punk?”

“Lay down, will ya! What are you talking?”

“You’re full of shit; you can’t fool me, kid!”

“…did you fucking use my workbench? Well, did ya?”

“Come over here NOW!!!!” (for a beating, of course).

“Come down here now, right fucking now!” (Usually a beating ensues).

If I had to pick a line that still confounds me today, it is the one that includes, “You’re too goddamn sensitive.” The reason I came to Earth to live amongst this family was to be tested to see if the abuse and torment that I received until the age of 17 could overcome my indigo soul by transforming me into a psychopathic antisocial personality with paranoid delusions and narcissistic tendencies. The idea was to infuse my indigo soul into my human body and willingly be subjected to the diabolical psychological and physical torment I experienced in the first 17 years of my life.

I experienced torture at home, in the streets, and particularly within the merciless New York City public school system, which is no place for a sensitive indigo soul like me. Without supernatural intervention from the host of heaven from the beginning, I would have been killed off long ago. I mean physically and spiritually killed.

Richard Kuklinski, a notorious mafia hitman and brutalist, endured the same insults I described in this memoir. His parents were of the same ilk; he was subjected to brutal torture, beatings, shaming, coldness and fear. Richard in his teenage years was being bullied terribly, and one day decided he had enough of being bullied. He went home and removed the standard wooden beam that we find in a typical closet, then hit the streets and cracked a few heads.

This singular event was the turning point for him, and he went deep into the abyss of retribution, offensive assault, mayhem, torture, murder, and unspeakable crimes against humanity. I refused to be turned like Richard was, and I had access to firearms, knives, martial arts weapons, and much more. I chose to remain “sensitive” and not become like those who inflicted such harm upon me, but this is only because of the nature of my indigo soul and the interventions from heaven.

If my people in heaven turned their back on me, my circumstances would have easily transformed me into a New York City hood with a Staten Island wise-ass murderous disposition, just like everyone else that I grew up with. Human society as it stands today is a brutal, sadistic, and violent amalgam of divine original Earth creation souls that have been hijacked and parasitized by non-human entities stupidly labeled as demons, but that term can be applied and used to describe and catalog the behaviors seen in people throughout the centuries.

This combination of demonic NHI and the comorbid psychopathology of our modern society is a heartbreaking thing, and all in heaven and those of us who are ambassadors from that realm weep regularly. The needless suffering, the inherent evil, the choices to embrace and improve upon that which is evil is so sad that it can bring you to your knees. If I could explain to you how the Lord, the Most High God, suffers because of this, you too would break down and turn to schmaltz.

A double-bind programming experiment burned these statements into my brain, allowing me to recall them easily. The good news about all of this heavy history of mine is that I forgave both of my earthly parents long ago. I took care of Mom and Dad in their elder years and remained loyal and dutiful as if nothing had ever happened between us. I spent 62 days in hospice care with Mom and was standing in-front of her when she drew her last breath.

Five minutes before she drew her last breath, she began to howl and hoot like an owl. I had to use holy water and blessed salt to calm “it” down, and then her soul was yanked from her body the moment her mouth locked open, which stopped her breathing. She was never alone, and she experienced a good and loyal son who had the skills to take good care of her. I also took good care of my father after she died for over 13 years. Why? Read the scripture below, for it is commanded of us. The ultimate test for all of us is loyalty, forgiveness, and unconditional love.

“For the Lord sets a father in honor over his children and confirms a mother’s authority over her sons. Those who honor their father atone for sins; they store up riches who respect their mother. Those who honor their father will have joy in their own children, and when they pray, they are heard. Those who respect their father will live a long life; those who obey the Lord honor their mother. My son, be steadfast in honoring your father; do not grieve him as long as he lives. Even if his mind fails, be considerate of him; do not revile him because you are in your prime. Kindness to a father will not be forgotten; it will serve as a sin offering—it will take lasting root.”

Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14 NASBRE.

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Colossians 3:12-15, 20-21.